Those nights when she was too tired to talk on the phone and you thought there was someone else keeping her company instead...the someone else was her kids. The times when she did talk to you on the phone but she fell asleep, it was because her day started earlier than you can imagine and has been non stop ever since. The weekend that she had to cancel on you was not because she didn’t want to see you, but her kids needed her more. Her guard is built up higher than you can imagine with the strength of a brick wall because she let others tear that wall down before, brick by brick and each time they crushed her spirit a little more causing her to rebuild that wall even higher the next time. Now you come in with genuine intentions (as they all pretend to have) and she doesn’t even know what genuine intentions look like anymore.
She’s mastered the art of blocking her heart from feeling again, or loving again as a coping mechanism. So the next time you think she’s punishing you for the mistakes of those who came before you, just know that it’s not intentional, but to her it’s become SURVIVAL. Take the time to peel back the layers of hurt, embarrassment, and abuse that has found a way at one point in time, to consume her, and get to know her layer by layer. She’ll respond to patience; patience with her heart, patience with her spirit, and patience with the most precious things to her....her kids. No, she’s not expecting an instant flip of a switch and you go into “daddy mode”, but she does want you to understand that her kids mean more to her than anything in this world, and she wants you to respect and honor the time that it will take before she makes you a part of their world. If being in their life is something you’re serious about, and it’s meant to be, then there will be no insecurity or thing of the past that will be able to tarnish any of your efforts. She’s armed with her women’s intuition and a prayer in her heart; and she knows exactly what she wants now! -A hopeful heart