Measuring Up

“I’m too old to be moving back home” “I should be further in life than I am now” “Where did I go wrong?” If I had a dollar for the number of times that I said this to myself...well you know the rest. In 2015 I found myself broke, depressed, and ashamed that I was 28 years old with 3 kids and an empty bank account. My ex husband had emptied my account, and left me to raise 3 kids on my own. I ended up selling my home that I OWNED and having to move back home with me Aunt. Do you know how humiliated I was? How low my self esteem was? How many times I asked God why? At that point in time I felt like I was the talk of the town, and the butt of everyone’s jokes. I was waiting to hear the “I told you so’s” from family, from friends and from anyone else who personally knew my situation. I moved home and I got none of that. Everyone welcomed me with open arms and was thanking God that I was back, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well, regardless of the circumstance.

Pride will make you stay in situations longer than you intended, and it will make you put up with way more than you normally would and that was what I was having to get rid of...MY PRIDE. No it wasn't easy by a long shot, but I had heard the saying that "if you won't bend your knees, sometimes God will break them" and that is exactly what He did. He had to take me to rock bottom to help me understand that this was not the situation for me. Not wanting to give people the satisfaction of telling me that they tried to warn me was always in the back of my mind, and yet no one was worried about being able to tell me that, they only wanted to help me straighten out my situation so that my babies and I would be fine. I had this age limit in my head of what milestone I should have reached and by what age. There were people around me who were my age had their own homes, they were getting married, and here I was going through a divorce, and back home with 3 kids; but that's the thing, these were their blessings not mine, but at that point in time all I could wonder was "Why is this happening to me?". Negativity and doubt spoke to me often saying “Who is going to want you with 3 kids?” “How will you even have time for a love life?” “No man is going to want someone who’s not established” "How will you ever get back on your feet?". I was super hard on myself. I was busy comparing myself to people as if all of these thoughts and doubt I was having was actually valid. Getting back to God and focusing more on getting to know me again, I’m realizing that there is no certain timeline, or a certain time limit for blessings. Life isn’t a race, and shouldn’t be treated as such. You miss out on the blessing that God has for you within the struggle when you can’t appreciate your now. It's possible to accept your current circumstances without liking them. Your life is just that...YOURS; own it; live it; enjoy it and appreciate it.