How did I get to this place in my life? Where do I start in order to try and get back to God? What will people think of me?
These are all questions that I asked myself about 3 years ago. I was broke, broken, lost, and confused all while trying to raise twin preemies and a 9-month-old. This was where rock bottom was for me. I was trying to get the money to get a divorce and get out of my marriage, I was just going back to work from maternity leave, and I had moved back home. Thankfully I had a strong, praying, support system to help me find my way back to myself and to God. It wasn’t easy; and I was ashamed and afraid, but I knew I had to do it for myself, and for my children.
I began studying God’s word; although I still felt like I was shattered into a million pieces. I knew that God still loved me and that He is a forgiving God. No matter how many times I stumbled and strayed away, I knew He would be there with open arms to accept me back. I had to learn the hard way that even though God forgives us no matter how many times we fall, that just like a parent chastising a child, sometimes God chastises His children to remind us that He is still God. I studied God’s word by listening to podcasts and reading blogs. But most importantly I read my Bible. It was a while since I had done all of this but I was raised in the church and in the word and the word of God tells us that He (God) is everywhere, not just in the church, He is also in our hearts if we welcome Him in.
As I was learning more about God and more about myself (again), I started realizing that the journey that I was entering was one that God needed me to travel alone. It was put in my heart that God had more for me, but in order to get to greater, that it was necessary that I isolate myself. He made me realize that there were some roads that I would have to travel alone. This strengthened my prayer life, it increased my faith, and it helped me to depend more on God and myself for my own happiness. Before that I was a “serial dater”, so I felt like I needed a better half to complete me and make me happy. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I learned to love myself again and I learned to find peace in those moments where it was just me and God. I had found the most peace that I had in a very long time.
I think that as humans, we are conditioned to always want more. A lot of times, no matter how good things are going we try to seek better. Not taking the time to pause and enjoy the present moment and reflect on how far we’ve come. When I learned to love myself again God’s word told me to try living in the moment and learning to be happy in “the now”; not dwelling on what’s next, not worrying about what’s behind the next door, but to sit and be still in the moment and to soak up all of the goodness and mercy of the present time. This taught me patience, because in the process of making it to my next, I was rejected, I was looked d