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He Just Wasn't Ready

Being told by a potential mate, "You're a great person and all, but I'm not ready to be a Dad" was one of the most honest things that I have heard a man tell me in a very long time. Some may say that that may be a blow to the ego or a stab in the heart, but when I tell you that I felt relieved, I mean it. I was relieved that, for once, my time wasn't wasted (or at least not much of it). I was relieved that this person was not just trying to string me along for his own selfish reasons. Selfishness is a flaw that I have come accustomed to when it comes to dating, but for the first time someone spoke up and told me the truth. Nothing was sugar coated and there was no stringing along. He knew that this was something that he was not ready for and he didn't want to fool me into thinking that he was. There was no waiting until feelings really got involved on either end to drop a major bomb on the whole thing; I was being told the pure, unadulterated TRUTH.

Over time I have built up such a tough exterior that I learned a long time ago not to ever go into any situation head first and not thinking, so I was in a habit of not bringing my heart along for the ride whenever I met someone. Now before you say it, I already know that its not good to build up a wall before ever getting to know someone, but it's just become one of my coping mechanisms. It may not be the best but it works for me right now (shrugs). If this situation had happened to me when I was fresh out of my divorce I probably would have been upset about it, but the woman that I am today stands firm and bold in who she is and I can respect someone telling me that they are not ready for such a serious role. I don't take parenting lightly, and I wouldn't expect anyone else to either. Playing with my heart is one thing, but playing with my kids' is a completely different story. Being a parent is a lifetime commitment and having a man coming into mine and my kids' lives and then just leaving abruptly is the last thing that I want for them. These up and down moments in my life is preparing me for something and someone that was created just for me and in due time, I know that I'll get to experience that. I'm learning to rejoice in disappointments as well as successes; it's all a part of the test. I know that the downpour of disappointments are only being used to cultivate the abundance of seeds that God has planted specifically for my babies and I during reaping season. So when I say that I've learned to rejoice during disappointment, I say it with pride knowing that my best is yet to come.

**Artwork by @murobhasart (IG)**