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Putting together broken pieces

September 11, 2018

An “uninspired funk”...I read this phrase today and said to myself ,“if I could put a name on this feeling that I’m feeling at this very moment this would definitely be it”. Emotionally and spiritually having to push your way through daily tasks and responsibilities of everyday life; that is it. The suffocating feeling of wanting to stay indoors, curled up in bed and not wanting to deal with the outside world, hurts but that is it. An uninspired funk. Replaying failed relationships detailed with pointless conversations, broken promises and ulterior motives, it hurts but that is it. As a mother, you try to find those little breaks for yourself and carve out those pieces of time to yourself where you can literally just breathe and gather your thoughts but the reality of it is that IT IS HARD. I have lived that reality and I am still living that reality. Pushing through pain is hard and there is no other way to put it, sugar coat it, or dress it up. If I said that these feelings and moments were behind me I would be lying because they are not. I have moments where I feel like I have it all under control and I have moments where I feel like the weight of the world is all on my shoulders. This past week has been an especially hard one for me; I have no explanation or root of where this feeling comes from but this “uninspired funk” is smothering.

 

Encouraging others is easy, especially when you love to see others succeed and “make it” but trying to keep yourself encouraged while keeping things afloat in your own life, will have you feeling like you are fighting a losing battle. Being able to identify your own pain, mistakes, and insecurities is the beginning of trying to coach yourself through. People can try to encourage you or pep talk you until they’re blue in the face, but until you actually believe it for yourself, their words are falling on deaf ears. Whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, there are people (not just moms) who walk around daily, holding in depression that they choose to never let the outside world see. I know a lot of times we look to the internet and it’s vast amount of blogs, inspirational advice, memes, and quotes to give us the answer and that “ahah moment” but every once in a while you just want to read about someone who is just like you; someone who doesn'make you feel like you're crazy, or weird for this feeling that you can't explain or control. There’s someone reading this blog who’s overthinks, over loves and second guesses everything that they do.. I AM HER. There’s someone who’s plate is so full and she has no clue how it will all get done.. I AM HER. There’s someone who is pouring from an empty cup.. I AM HER. I don’t have this grand answer that will solve it all overnight and make everything better in an instant, but I do know that sometimes in order to clear the path for a greater beginning, God has a way of (what we call) destroying or tearing down relationships, situations and circumstances that we once thought were good for us, to make room for the beautiful building up of something that is bigger than we could ever imagine. So hang in there and be encouraged; being taken through unfamiliar waters is not a means of punishment, but a way to strengthen your faith✨❤️ 

 

**Artwork by: Natalia Murobha | IG: @murobhasart

 

 

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