“When you have kids of your own, maybe then you will understand everything that I’m telling you”; this is what my Mom would say to me from my teenage years, on up until I actually had kids. And as the typical “know it all” teenager and young adult, I rolled my eyes and just kept saying “ok” in hopes that she would stop all of (what she would call it) her "preaching". I was always pretty much a well mannered and responsible child, it's just that when I made it to adulthood and was able to make my own decisions, I felt like I didn't really need my Mom's advice. BOY WAS I WRONG! I heard what she said when she was trying to tell me right but I never REALLY fully understood it until (like she said) I had children. The lengths that she went to just to try and protect me from the harsh realities of broken hearts, empty pockets, crushed dreams, and rough lessons were immeasurable. I have seen my mother get to the point where she felt that she had done all of the talking and preaching that she could do about a situation, to the point where she was left with no other choice but to tell me that that lesson was mine to learn, I was grown and , I had to make my own decisions, but that she would just pray for me. And even now typing this, those words still bring me to tears. Looking back, I would now call that phase of my life,"wanting to do it all on my own but seriously not having a clue". I know for a fact now, that it was my Mother's and my Aunt's prayers that brought me out of a situation that had emotionally and spiritually broke me. My Mother told me after the fact, that she knew I would make it out of that situation just fine, but that it was one of the hardest and most trying times in her life, for her to sit back and see her daughter going through such a tough time, just to try and prove a point to the world, and felt helpless knowing that there was essentially nothing that she could do about it. I was "going through the motions" of a failed marriage that had no chance of survival from the start and I had no clue how to get out. Emotionally and spiritually I was DEAD and I didn't even have the words to even begin to pray for myself. I felt like I was trapped in a house with no windows and no doors and that I could hear everyone saying that I needed to get out and that they would help me get out but I had lost the will to keep going, so I just gave up. No mother wants to see their child suffering or going through any situation that she feels could have prevented.
Life is a very astonishing thing, in that, in the beginning when you're a toddler, your Mom is the most important person in your world, then you get into adolescence and teenage years and you're trying to find yourself and tend to distance yourself a bit from your Mom. Then you enter into adulthood with bills, relationship problems, kids and all of the things that the real world throws at you, and you realize that through it all and after everyone else has left your side, your Mother was the most genuine, and most important person in your corner. Now that I have kids, I know exactly what she meant by every single lesson, long talk and text message that I have received from her, when she was only trying to tell me right because she foreseen the damage ahead. My babies are my world and I would give them my last breath if it means that they could keep breathing. I know that as they get older, some of the other lessons and things that my Mother instilled in me will come right back around and I’ll probably have to address those things with my own children. Hopefully my children won't be as stubborn as I, and maybe they will actually take heed of my warnings and teachings so that things will be a little bit easier. But even if they don't and they feel like they "know it all" and still decide to do things the hard way, I will be right there with open arms, just as my Mother was there for me, to help me pick up the pieces. No matter how hard the lesson was or no matter how many times she was right, I never heard my Mother say "I told you so". Even when I repeated some of the same mistakes over and over again, her words were comforting, encouraging and never critical. So when I'm told that I'm beginning to sound like my Mother, I'll reply with a smile and say "I wouldn't have it any other way!"