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What now??!

30 snuck up on me pretty quickly (or at least it seemed too), and here I am no where near the goals that I had set for myself in my 20's. I say that as if it's a bad thing but it's really not; my mindset is totally different and I know that if I hadn't been through the things that I've been through, I wouldn't be nearly as strong or self motivated as I am today. My 18 year old self, in all of my unpretentiousness, thought that by the age of 25 I would have my bachelor's degree, working on my master's and somewhere in a middle class community teaching the 3rd grade and living in my dream home with my loving husband. Somewhere along the way, I landed a job as a 911 dispatcher and I completely fell in love with this occupation. In the early stages of this job I knew that this was exactly where I needed to be. I feel like I fit into this profession like a glove. Some people spend their lives trying to find the perfect career and here I am landing mine at the age of 22. It may not be the ideal career field for some but for me, it’s a blessing. Life has a way of taking you to, and through some places that you never even dreamed you would be. I learned what it felt like to be disrespected and let down. My self esteem was brought down to a point where I’d never thought it would be. I ended up in a failed marriage because at that point in time, I was more in love with the fact of getting married, instead of actually taking the time to see if this was really the person I wanted to spend my forever with. That period of my life took me to one of THE LOWEST points I had ever been in. I know what it feels like to be promised the world; I know what it feels like to be made to feel so comfortable about letting that wall of security down and finally letting someone in, only to have that wall of security come crashing down, all at once, to it’s very foundation. I’ve felt the highest point of (what I thought was) love, all the way down to the lowest point of disappointment and depression. The three best things that I could have ever gotten out of that situation are my three precious jewels; my babies❤️. I finally got to the point where I realized that I could not let my babies be exposed to any of the unhappiness and disrespect that I had endured but I just didn't quite know how to get out of it. I asked my Dad, whom I know would give a true and unbiased opinion, "How will I know when I am tired?" and instead of him giving me this grand reply, filled with wisdom and sound knowledge, that would help me make it all make sense, he replied with "ONLY YOU WILL KNOW WHEN YOU ARE TIRED" and he left it at that. At that point I was still sitting there just as hurt and confused as I was before I asked him. Looking back, I now see and realize that that was the best advice anyone could have ever given me about that situation. I prayed and asked God that if this was not the situation that I needed to be in and if it's not meant to be, for Him to show me a sign, and that is just what He did. So here I am eight years, one divorce and three kids later DOING JUST FINE. Yes my faith was tested , my limits were pushed and my heart was broken, but to know that I stayed strong and overcame everything that was meant to break me, makes me thankful that I even went through what I did. If I could change the process, I wouldn’t change a thing. I went through that and I call that my “seed planting process” because all of those situations were planting seeds of strength, resilience and the total reconstruction of my faith. And now it is finally “reaping season” and every single seed that was planted, is about to blossom, bloom and flourish into something magnificent🌻. Some of the goals that I had for myself by 30 have not been attained and yet some have but not in the order I had hoped, but I can say with pride that it couldn’t be more perfect FOR ME.

“They tried to bury you my dear, but they didn’t know you were a seed”🌱