To the Mom who rises way before the sun just to get her children up and ready for the day, only leaving just enough time to get herself ready and dash out the door. To the Mom who feels like the weight of the world is on her shoulders, and there’s no one to help carry it, and help balance things out. To the Mom who feels like she has lost herself and doesn’t know what other role she plays, other than being a Mom. To the Mom who looks at old pictures of herself but doesn't recognize the woman looking back at her because that was a time in her life when she was so focused on pleasing everyone else, that she forgot about herself. To the Mom who has cried herself to sleep many nights on numerous occasions, just so that she’ll be able to get up the next morning, put her makeup on, and put on a smile for the outside world; YOU ARE NOT ALONE on this sometimes thankless, ever changing journey, because that Mom that I speak of is also me. Our roads may not be exactly the same and some of the inclines and detours may differ, but in this beautiful journey of motherhood, every day is not filled with smiling faces and smooth transitions. There are days where the kids get up and they all seem to be in great moods and we’re able to breeze through our morning routine. But on those days where you miss your alarm going off, one of your kids is crying because they don’t want to wear what you’ve picked out for them, or someone wants to eat chips for breakfast, those are the times when you stand there in the midst of the chaos and wonder “How am I going to make it through this morning?”. You ask yourself “Why haven’t I been blessed with a loving husband to support me when I’m on the verge of a breakdown?” or “Why can’t this be a bit easier?”. I went through that “WHY?” phase for some time and was baffled at the standstill that I seemed to be at.
After I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I started spending time with myself and learning me again; not the 18 year old me who was oblivious to the world around her and unaware that sometimes life just isn't fair, but the me that had been through many bumps and bruises along the way and was looking for her smile again. I began meditating and focusing on myself more mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I stopped leaving my happiness in the hands of another individual and I started creating my own lane, with my own happiness so that I didn’t have to worry about anyone taking it (happiness) with them when or if they left. Now that I am more knowledgeable and aware, here I am at this “FINDING ME” phase. I’ve started doing only the things that make me happy. I have learned to use the word “NO” more when it comes to favors and doing things for people that I know they would never do for me. My kids deserve to see me genuinely happy with myself and not using someone else happiness as a crutch for my own. There is nothing wrong with having a better half to enjoy life with but until God says, “Now that you’ve picked up the pieces of your own fragile heart, it’s time to put it in the hands of someone whom I have handpicked just for you that wouldn’t dare break it” I’ll be here trying to figure this thing out, one day at a time😘✌