“Just get over it”

It’s one of those things that some of us choose not to talk about; or maybe when we do want to talk about it, people just don’t know how to respond. Sometimes you even get the “get over it” vibe from people. Miscarriage is one of those situations that often time gets overlooked by people that haven’t been in your shoes, but it is truly a loss. They don’t know how to comfort you and sometimes they feel like after a certain amount of time, it’s time for you to just "move on". I don’t know about anyone else who has been through it because every person's situation and way of coping with loss is very different, but as time went on, the emotional hurt has eased but I will never forget it. Miscarrying on what is supposed to be one of the happiest days in a woman's life was definitely not the case for me. I'm the type of person who would never want to ruin someone else day, even if its at the cost of my own happiness. I felt like I would be ruining my fiance's day and my family's as well if I told them what was going on. I hid the fact that I was losing my first child from everyone. The night before my wedding was a laid back night with my bridesmaids where we just went to dinner and back to our destinations. The remainder of my night was spent in bed (in pain) Googling my worst fear of what this could possibly be. I knew that there was nothing that could be done to stop it or fix the situation so I just let it happen. No one should have to go through this and my heart and my mind were not equipped to deal with it. The day of my wedding, the pain was even more unbearable, but instead of expressing what was really wrong, I let everyone assume that it was "wedding day jitters". I finally told my (then) husband on the wedding night; afterwards I told my family. The wait for Monday seemed like forever and my pain and anxiety of it was getting worse, knowing that I was losing my baby and there was nothing that I could do about it. Finally, during an early morning appointment to the doctor that consisted of me sitting in a waiting room full of happy pregnant women, coming to check up on their growing babies, there I was sitting there with my tears in my eyes, trying to hold it in and keep my composure. After finally getting called back, I laid back and waited for the words that I had so dreaded hearing all weekend, "we cannot find a heartbeat". I couldn't hold it in any longer; I was hurt and confused, wondering "WHY??!!". That day was February 17,2014 and I will never forget it. I still wonder to this day, "what caused me to lose my baby?", but I remind myself and I'm not at peace in the fact of knowing that God needed this baby far more than I. I know that we are all chosen our specific and unique journeys because God knows exactly what we can handle and they end up giving us the strength to endure and make it through whatever else comes our way. If that is truly so, then I guess I can call myself "one tough cookie" then (ha!).

#Loss #Miscarriage