Can I be transparent for a moment?
I’m sure you don’t mind. Have you ever had one of those days where you don’t know what’s wrong, you can pinpoint it, you can’t identify it, and you don’t even have the words to say to God?
I recently had one of those weeks last week. My spirit felt drained and depleted, but I knew I had to keep going, because let’s face it, as a single mom of three I just don’t have time to have “off days”. I don’t have time to take a day to myself and gather my thoughts and feelings; there are three little ones that demand my time and energy, and I can’t fail them. Having to literally push yourself just to get daily tasks done is hard and having to push yourself to get things done for yourself and your kids is even harder.
I’m the one that my kids come to for any and everything and I am supposed to have all the answers, but here I am mentally and spiritually tired and I don’t even have the words to talk to God for myself. As an anxiety sufferer and someone who has dealt with depression and still has struggles with it from time to time, the signs were there, the symptoms were there, but the only difference this time is that my faith was stronger, and now having spiritual accountability partners that can help pray me through and pick up my slack when I seem to be losing momentum, this time was bit different. This time I didn’t feel so alone. This time I had more spiritual backing. This time I had a little more experience. This territory was familiar, and it was a road that I had previously traveled.
I gave myself those few days to feel whatever it was that I was feeling, but after that it was time to try get back to ME. I would be lying if I said that this wasn’t hard, and I would be selling false hopes if I said that I was back 100%. No, it doesn’t happen overnight, and there is no timetable on healing from depression; sometimes it’s a lifelong battle of ups and downs, but let’s not forget the outside resources that are there as well. I know that I’ve discussed this before, but for the ones who are new to the blog, know that I am not ashamed to say, and that I am an advocate for medication and therapy for depression and anxiety (accompanied with prayer). This isn’t something that I’ve read and decided to promote, these are facts coming from someone who lives this reality. So when you’re starting to have those foggy days where you can’t find the words to say to God, much less yourself to pick yourself up, are lasting longer and longer, just know that you don’t have to suffer alone…THERE IS HELP, and this is coming from someone who walks in those shoes daily.
I realize that my methods of coping may not be the answer for everyone dealing with this issue, but these are MY coping mechanisms. I speak about this issue because I know that someone else’s healing could be in these words that I’ve decided to open up and talk about it. There’s no shame or embarrassment in admitting that you need help because sometimes you can’t do it alone.