You look at the title of this post and probably think to yourself “I would never be able to tell that she feels that way by judging from her photos and her content”
I’m a work in progress and this process is still hard, but no matter what, I will continue to stand in my truth, regardless of what that truth is.
Being a mother who can encourage others and make them feel good about themselves, but somehow often leave herself out, is a hard pill to swallow. Trying to live as “normal” of a life as possible is rough. Trying to always make things as easy for my children as possible, and not wanting them to go through a childhood of living through mommy’s depression and anxiety is one of the hardest, if not the single hardest obstacles that I have ever had to overcome.
Doing all that you absolutely can to keep things going and keep everything afloat, but somehow still feeling like you’re drowning and not doing enough is tough. Even when people tell you how proud they are of you and how great you’re doing, to a mom who constantly doubts herself, even this isn’t enough.
As a woman, and as a mother, we are sometimes our own worst critics and I know that I am often extremely hard on myself, but I’ve always promised myself that I would never let my children see any of these things manifested in our daily life. I would never want them growing up in a situation that they have to later “recover” from when they’re older. We all have our problems and issues, but I’m sure I speak for every mother when I say that I want my kids to be better than me, so each day I fight through all of these negative thoughts and feelings so that I can be better and do better for my little ones, because as much as they deserve a mom who is healthy mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically, I also need to want this for myself.
For the moms who feel like this sounds all too familiar, as if I am somehow in their thoughts, I know the feeling, you are not alone, and I wish you love and light. It will get better.